nice leg flower the dukes of hazzard makes apple whistle
Im missing something
I dont understand this
NICE KEGS DAISY DUKES MAKES A MAN GO *whistle* I GET IT FINALLY
"Don’t talk to me like that, I’m an adult."
Paul Rudd is actually me during a One Direction concert.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun
Two hours of silence for all the teenagers who can’t wait to become adults because they think they’ll get to do whatever they want
a shot of vodka to all the 20 somethings who are coping with a lack of rent money by sitting around eating captain crunch in dinosaur PJs wishing they were actually a pre-teen again.
every guy thinks their dick is big and every girl thinks their eyebrows are great
i have a santa kink. i want you to dress up in a sexy santa suit and leave me expensive presents under the tree when im sleeping. leave afterwards
I’m not sexist but I can guarantee that this was written by a women…
"im not sexist im just going to assume this was written by a woman because it has something to do with wanting expensive gifts" moron
They burst through the door like
And I’m just like
I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don’t send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity. If the book is rare or by your favorite author or one you didn’t know about, reward them with the most perverted sex act you can think of. Otherwise, you can just make out.
so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy
OH MY GAWD